Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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