I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My cat gives me a boner
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
