And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
