Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
only you would photoshop your dick
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
