so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
