I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
