As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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