ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
