the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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