Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
