fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
