I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
