Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
