Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
