i barfeds in our rink
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
