last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
