It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
