Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
