so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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