I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
