Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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