I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
