So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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