i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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