Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
