she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
