what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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