She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
