yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
