Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
