I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
