She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
