Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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