Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
