The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
