trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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