i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
