How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
