Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
we're so committed to being not committed
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
