I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
