Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
