i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
