We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
