then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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