How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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