I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
