Nicole vs. Life
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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