apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
