I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
