Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
