We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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