I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we're chasing vodka with high fives
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Randomize
